Rushed: quotes, philosophy, scoreboard.

“One's philosophy is not best expressed in words; it is expressed in the choices one makes. In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility” 
-Eleanor Roosevelt.

This is a difficult time of the year. For everyone. I think the best part about it though is that everyone just refuses to let the fact that a lot of bad things, a lot of bad feelings, a lot of longing, a lot of missing, a lot of intense emotions dictate how their holiday season will be. On top of the things I've just listed, I've been thinking a lot about my life lately... and it comes down to two different things.

One: WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?!
Two: There's nothing else I'd rather be doing.

These are conflicting thoughts. I was SO excited to move out here because it was something new (and it's definitely something new). I love it. I love the friends I've made, I love the program I'm in, I love the clients I have, I love the experiences I'm living. I'm at that point now though where I miss home. I miss my friends all being in one place. I miss my dog. I miss Blackrocks' beer and Zorba's gyros. I miss not having those people around that make me feel like no matter what stupid crap I say, they still love being around me (and that most of these ramblings are just me talking out loud to no one in particular). I miss feeling like a kid. NOW, that was a Debbie Downer (WAH WAHHHH) statement, but hear me out.

What makes me realize I'm growing up (and terrifies me at the same time) is that I'm okay with all of these things. Yea, it hurts. Missing places/people is never fun, but it isn't a constant. It's more of a wave--the ebb and flow of typical emotions people experience all the time. This makes me feel better. Another thing I've truly realized, and this has perhaps been the most difficult thing I've learned, is that a lot of times IT DOESN'T MATTER. I'm not saying people don't matter, or things don't matter, or lessons don't matter. I'm saying that there are certain things that we hold on to and run round and round in our head with and then we often come to the point where we throw our hands up and say, "It really doesn't matter does it? This doesn't matter." There are things we can change, and things we cannot. Growing up I've realized is a lot like leaning over a bridge and taking a picture of the water below you. It keeps moving, rushing. You are trying to capture it. Grab it in a moment you enjoy and keep it there forever. But you drop your camera. As you reach out to catch it you realize that it's either let the camera fall, or fall yourself. So you stay put, with your feet firmly planted on the bridge, and you watch your camera--your moments stopped in time--rush by in the current beneath you. You made your choice, you stayed put and chose to deal with the repercussions of not chasing after the past. But isn't that beautiful? That you recognized your choice: jump or let it go. I believe it was Robert Frost (that famous guy who wrote about the fork in the road and choosing your path, coincidentally) that said, "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on." Growing up is about letting go. Not of everything obviously, but of those things that need not be held onto. This is my current battle. Letting go. But I'm doing it, and it's a good feeling. And I can't wait to see what's on the other side of that bridge :).

NOW AFTER ALL THAT ANNOYING BLUNDERING ABOUT LIFE AND YADDA YADDA, HERE IS WHAT'S GOING ON IN MY LIFE (abridged):

I have pretty much only had four days of courses in the last two weeks. (SCORE).
I have not seen any more hockey since I went to watch my cousin in Loveland (UNSCORE).
My cousin and I are doing Thanksgiving dinner together, and I am going to his hockey games this coming weekend. (SCORE).
I have been learning new moves in country swing. Think, Dirty Dancing (the movie, obviously) dip. (SCORE).
I am rushing to type this because I am going to have a pre-Thanksgiving dinner with my friend and the lady she rents from. The lady felt badly that I didn't have family here for Thanksgiving. She is so sweet. Everyone in Wyoming is incredibly sweet. (SCORE).
I have a RIDICULOUS amount of school reading to catch up on (UNSCORE).
I am still in love with spaghetti squash (SCORE).
I have a lot of reports and projects due in the upcoming weeks (UNSCORE).
I haven't been hit by a bunny or brushweed lately (SCORE).
My neighbor keeps forgetting to take out her trash before she leaves for days at a time (UNSCORE).
I only have 14 days left of school. (SCOOOOORRRREEE).
I will be home in less than a month. (SCORE).
I am about to go enjoy some wine and food (SCORE).
I have to be up at 6:30 to begin my week tomorrow (UNSCORE).

So, what's the score?

Mia: 9. Life: 5.
Ha. I win.
Love y'all. :)