Live authentically.

It's almost done. I am two exams down, with one to go, and I really don't know how I feel about that. In my last post I talked about things I've learned and those sorts of things. This post will be a bit of that, and then more of an update I guess.

Shell will be here on Friday night (WOO WOO), which is crazy. I just... I can't believe I'm leaving. I'm really excited to see everyone and to start a new chapter and everything, but honestly: I'm not ready to be done here. I'm just going to have to suck it up and get on with it, eh? Pretty much. Anyways, I'M REALLY EXCITED TO SEE SHELL! :)

More pondering: 
Andy Warhol said (or wrote, I'm not totally sure): “They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.”

I both agree with and reject that sentiment. My rejection is that time really does change things. I mean, this time two years ago I was in a completely different place than I am now, and that is in direct relation to both time and the choices I made. This is something I'm trying to keep in mind lately.

When it comes to emotions and such, I am a pretty private person. I only share my true feelings with a couple of people, and I often like to pretend like I have none. Something that both time--and my decisions--have taught me is that, while this is a great strategy for self-preservation in theory, it really isn't in reality. So since no one really reads this besides my family, I'm going to theorize for a moment. I'm talking about both professional relationships and private relationships, here. For example: pretending you don't care about someone or something may have a result you expect or want and leave you feeling like you have the upper-hand; however, inject into that story you actually sharing how you're feeling--being yourself--and the interaction changes. You sort of become an outsider to this situation you've created through acting untrue to yourself.

If you're a person who likes to talk things out and get over them, frickin' talk things out. If another person is not that sort of person, then how were you ever going to get anything solved anyways?

If you are the type of person who gets wrapped up in good music and really thinking about things, then frickin' do that. If another person prefers to be wrapped up in more materialistic things, then how were you going to have thoughtful interactions anyways?

If you are the type of person who likes to make others feel special and cared for, then frickin' be that person. If another person prefers to take and not provide the same type of care, then how were you ever going to feel special in that relationship?

If you prefer to make certain people a priority, then frickin' do it. If another person sees you as more of an option than a priority, how were you ever going to form a meaningful relationship?

Basically, in both professional and personal relationships, if you aren't being yourself (within reason for the professional ones), then you are fooling the other person. Sometimes two good people are just different, and that has been a tough lesson for me to learn. In contrast to that though, sometimes opposites can work exceptionally well together if they are both willing to put in the effort--effort being the key word there. Things can be easy if you want them to be (and for the most part they should be), but I often find that the things that are always easy are not the things that are worth it. Think going to the gym: you can get into a routine and keep doing it and it gets easier and easier. If you stay in that routine, it will be easy, but not enjoyable. I prefer to mix things up, to accept that even though some days may be more difficult than others, it's worth it. I'm worth it. In relationships, the other person should be worth it to. Through some difficult things come things that are better than we could have thought otherwise. Has anyone sensed that this got away from the "professional" relationship? Oh well lol.

Update time: 

I am in the process of packing up my apartment and have now sent two shipments of boxes home. The last shipment was addressed to my family, but not really. I believe the names I used were: La, Hurricane, Fr. Joe, Josephine, Jowdy, and Magglio. :). My landlord is showing my apartment to a few people tomorrow, so hopefully he'll find someone to take it soon.
When we first moved in, he asked us not to put nail holes in the wall if we could avoid it because we live in a very old building. So I, trying to be resourceful and follow his rules at the same time, decided to use those tacky squares you can get. They held things up beautifully and were fine everywhere else in the apartment besides my bedroom. One wall in my bedroom to be exact. The paint started peeling, and I was freaking out a bit, and then I was honest and showed it to him and he was totally fine. He handed me some spackle and told me if I had trouble to let him know. Whew.
I cleaned out my closets (I brought WAY too many clothes out here) and brought the clothes to the middle school that I did my community placement at. One of the kids who made me a card when I left happened to be in the treatment room when I stopped by. I walked in and he goes, "YOU'RE BACK! YOU'RE BACK! Are you back for good!?". I told him I wasn't, but it was nice to feel missed after a few days :). I'll miss those kids and the people at the school.

Well, I have one more exam to go on Friday afternoon. It's my Craniofacial exam, and I think I'll be okay if I study all day tomorrow and the morning. I'll look over the stuff tonight too.

More pondering: 
I guess my message for this post is something that I thought I embodied pretty well, but am starting to feel like is a perpetual journey: Live authentically. It's surprising how you can get away from yourself if you don't remember to look at your life and your choices ("LOOK ATCHA LIFE, LOOK ATCHA CHOICES... Sassy Gay Friend... anyone?). You know what, though? It's also nice how quickly you can come back. After all, you're the only you ;). I'll leave you with this.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

This quote always made me think. At first I'd be like, "yea! Exactly!" And then I'd go, "But isn't that boastful?" It's taken me a bit to realize that being everything you can be, and then opening the doors for others to do that too, is probably one of the least boastful things you can do. It's kind of like being, "Yo, you're good with history and sports? I'm awesome with pop culture and music. Let's get together and form one of the most unbeatable groups in the history of bar trivia teams". By acknowledging the gifts you've been given, you can help others do the same; therefore, helping them to get out there and try things they may not have, and vice versa.

This has been way more deep than I intended. Sheesh. Love, y'all.